♥ ALBANIAA

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

ENTRIES PROFILE TAGBOARD LINKS

This is how I live, love, laugh my life.

Free Counter

Sunday, June 22, 2008
9:02 PM

I'm letting go, don't worry. *smiles widely*
Time check now is 0130 hours. I can’t sleep tonight. It seems that I can’t get you off my mind. Somehow, I have to agree with AfiQ that I have not moved on & that I still love him. I kept denying it cos I need to move on somehow. I figured that’s the only way I could move on happily. I realised that you seemed happy without me in your life & I thought why not I do the same too. I did. And I felt good. All thanks to the numerous encouragement and support from friends who never failed to make me smile.

But right now, there’s a thing called coincidence. Everywhere I go, I met people who are some sort related to you in a way that I don’t really expect. As much as I don’t want to, I have to. I chose this path and I trust that one day, it will bring me to happiness. J
Actual fact is, I don’t want to let go. But I have to. You forced me to, indirectly you did. And I agreed because that’s what you wanted. I am surrounded by friends called guys cos I’m studying in an UNISEX school. I have to work with them somehow. I don’t have the power to stop this thing. I don’t blame you either for hating me, because as far as I’m concern, I don’t hate you. I try to think like an eighteen year old to be and not an eight year old.
If you think I’m a slut in your eyes then I shall not argue further because I know I’m not one. I don’t understand why you stubbornly refused that I was not lying to you. I did lie but I lied because I didn’t want us to quarrel. I didn’t want to hear those cursing words coming out from your mouth. As a result, I got more than that. I was happy back then with you when you told me that I always make you happy, and always there for you and you asked me not to leave you one day. I did not leave you. I once said to you, I will only leave if you asked me to. & you did. Because I loved you too much that I decided to leave you. To see you smile again after months of agony with me. I agreed in account that you will never forget me. And I’d guessed you did.
Months before we broke up, I realised that you & I have changed. I got tired each day due to school and you grew tired of me cos you were stressed. We rarely meet, call and even text like we used to. I told myself, one day, we’re gonna break. And we did. I expected it and that is why I could take it. If not, I would have jump down the building. *laughs*

After the break up, I prayed every single day for you to text me. To ask me about my well-being. But you did not. Instead, you messaged me just to ask about your helmets, and that’s it. It’s sad. But I know I got to move on & stop living in denial. Every night before I go to sleep, I prayed that you and I will somehow meet each other halfway and come to terms with. & I always said this to GOD that if you are meant for me, let us be together, if not let the feelings fade. I’d rather live without you than have to live thinking about you every second. You don’t know how it hurts. But I clearly know that I am to be blamed too. I didn’t do my part as a girlfriend. I showed you my attitude and I wasn’t co-operative enough. I take more than I give.
If I were to be honest, I wasn’t a good girlfriend. I can’t give you everything. I could only give you the love and attention. I’m sorry for my imperfections. I don’t blame you for anything bad that happens to me. I know things happened for a reason and I loved you beyond reasons.
To my readers, I apologised for the long entry. Sometimes I just need to get everything off my chest before I go berserk one day. *laughs*

And to you [if you’re reading this], I don’t bear any grudges against you or whoever related to you. I was being myself when I typed this. Just so you know, the feelings remains unchange.