♥ ALBANIAA

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This is how I live, love, laugh my life.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008
7:29 PM

I’m off to school just now at 10 am and I’m back home just before 3pm. My mood is down and my spirit is low. I intended to stay but it seems that I couldn’t stand any longer. Furthermore, the cramps are killing me to pieces. I dragged myself home and Kakak asked me why was I home so early and I told her not to tell mummy. Sometimes, you just have to lie, a white lie. Hah.
I was really down just now. I talked to Vicnesh about what I feel and he really gave me good advices. For a person younger than me to give me those advices was really surprising. I took his advice and promised not to dwell on that matter anymore.
I remembered a conversation I had with the B&B.

Me: Do you know that I wanna be a CID officer when I grow up?
Vic: [laughing] HAHA. You cannot lah. I think you can be a nurse.
Me: NO!
Manda: Or a Kindergarten teacher!

Yes. I wanted so much to be a CID officer. I don’t know why. But eversince I played CS, those imaginations of me holding a gun and catching those thieves were real. Well, so much of CSI I’d guessed. And the fact that they told me that I have the look of a nurse and a kindergarten teacher, cracks me up. I love kids but I’m not patient. I love looking at people’s organs but I don’t have the interest of being a nurse. Hah.

And then, we talked about being a pilot. My dear Yan Nee wanted to be a pilot. She said that a pilot’s salary is high.

Vic: Eh. I want to be a pilot sia.
Me: Yeah. You can be a pilot. For Indian Airlines.
Ok, no offence but it was meant to be a joke. Hah.

I don’t have a minute to spare anymore. Tomorrow’s Science UT and I need to buck up. I got a FREAKING F for the previous UT. My score was ZERO. I don’t want to repeat another year in Republic. I need to study and pay MORE attention although the lesson may be boring every time.

I’ve been thinking about us lately. I don’t know when to stop. I figured there are too many things in my mind right now. And one of them is you. Maybe I was thinking too much but you seemed not to understand me well. You seemed to know every move that I make and every step that I take. I don’t care much about who told you or what but we are no longer together. [That’s the point]. My intention of saying all those things I said in the previous entries is not to provoke you or aroused any unwanted anger but to come clean with you. I don’t want to be left hanging here without knowing what’s happening next. You left me hanging without an answer. You kept on making me questioning myself every time this happens. I don’t see a point to your doings. I don’t get it even. Maybe to you all those words you said to me was a mistake. I don’t care. But what’s your motive of saying those words. Will things get better if you do this? You know this has to stop. If you want our endless-love-hate stories to stop then face me and tell the truth. If you just want it to be left hanging there, then, I must say you’re not a man which you always claimed you are.

And your things, I did not throw it away. Even though you have caused me to be in a great depression state and hurt me before, I still spare a thought for you and I still care for you like I used to. I said that for a purpose.
I don’t need anyone intruding into our matter here. So, please understand.
You know how to reach me. I’ll be waiting.