♥ ALBANIAA

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This is how I live, love, laugh my life.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
11:57 PM

Today was cognitive module & a relief faci again. Well, he’s not that bad actually and plus, he’s very funny. I can’t stop laughing at his kuku jokes. So, we were asked not to present using powerpoint but using a mah-jong paper. Cool or what. Can I have this every day?

Jessica albaniaaa or what?! Tau takots.

I went to W4 during the second break with Sepet Faiz. Initially, I was supposed to treat him waffle but then, don’t know why, he treat himself. Hah. & also, he treat me BANDUNG. Not only for today, but for TWO consecutive weeks. All because he offended me at MSN.

Many went back home today and left with only 4 teams. For the first time, cognitive was not stressful. I can still dilly-dally go break and have a short chat with Faiz and then go out again with Rozzy, Vic & Shaqif[who went home after that].
The presentation in the library was interesting and comforting. Can we have more of this? Not in the case of Science though.

Kok Meng semangats or what?

Wei Jun was asked to do a dance, a chicken dance. Hah. Kuku.

Idon'tmesswithyourbloodylife, so don't mess with mine.

You owe me a pizza soon darling!

Vik's throat was infected with something!

I’m being emotional now. And if you think that you want to continue reading and keep bad comments to yourself then go on. If not, I suggest you click the “X” button on the side.
I got to found out new things that simply cause me to break down just now. I tried my best not to laid anymore tears for this worthless fairytale of mine. But somehow or rather, I just can’t. You can say I’m weak and lack of strength. I can’t possibly hide my true emotions. I broke down when I got to found out new things and then, I figured and kept telling myself, how stupid can I be?! I’m so stupid. I’m bloody dumb.

I laid my tears just now, in front of Vik, in front of Ian, in front of Diq, in front of Hafiz, in front of Yan Nee, in front of Su Li, in front of Khai, in front of Jerral, in front of Cloud, in front of Keith, in front of the few trekkers who came down for training. I’m not proud of this. I’m not proud to cry in front of people some more. Can you count how many people are there who watched me cry? But none of them is YOU. NONE. ZILCH. The people I’ve mentioned above, they just don’t watch me cry, they can even ask “are you okay?”, “is she okay?” and Cloud even said “Take care ah Albania!”. But hey, I’m not seeking for anyone’s attention. You think I want to cry? You think that crying doesn’t hurt? You think that I like to see myself in a crying state? And you think that by crying means, I’M BEING IMMATURE? Well, I was being myself at least.

You make me tear a lot. Why of all the scumbags in this world, you? Yes, you did make me happy. I don’t know what you want in this life. From the start I was oblivious about what you want till I figured it out myself. I think you want happiness that gives you satisfaction. And I know I can’t give you that. You know I can’t give you everything. You told me that you love me because of what I am and not because something else. I remembered that clearly. I even saved those messages that you sent to me which contains a lot of empty promises. Why make a promise when you know that you can’t fulfil it? Why let this fragile heart bear the hurt alone? Why leave when you know that you have created a hole in this heart? & why do you have to come back when you know that whatever you asked me was actually A MISTAKE? It has been the second time we had a MAJOR break up, the second time you left me hanging without an answer and the countless times you make me depressed and CRY.
I tried, not that I don’t. I tried my very best not to allow any of these shits to enter my life. But, fate decides everything. I’ve got no will and ability to stop this from happening. I tried my best to be happy and to stay happy. To laugh like no one cares and to go crazy with friends who will always be there for me EVEN if I don’t need them too. But like I said, I can’t stop these mishaps from happening.

I was crying badly to Yan Nee just now.

Me : Why am I so stupid?
Yan Nee : No. It’s not that you are stupid. It’s over already. You don’t cry anymore. What is done is all in the past. You need to move on.

I agreed on that totally. It’s true what Muhd says. I kept saying, I will never be back with him again. I kept saying that. But in the end, I bought his sweet words. I was stupid. I am stupid to even trust his words. Isn’t that dumb? In the end, I ended up crying.
I know if I posted this, some losers out there may say, “You only talk bad about ****, you think you are good and bla bla bla”. I don’t deny the fact that I’m being ruthless here. You have messed with me a lot of times and I know that you will go further than this. If you think that you can’t give what you promised then don’t give false hopes.

Just so you know, I’m thankful for whatever I was told about you. I’m thankful that at least now I can somehow feel that you WERE not meant for me and that you have exit from my life. The sweet words that were shared on Thursday night and the “confession” saying that “kiter maseh syg kan awak!", I can say you are a good actor.

Your love is a lie.

Labels: worthless.