This is how I live, love, laugh my life.
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Saturday : I was busy the whole day because our baby is getting engaged. Auni and me had to wake up as early as 0930 on Saturday morning because we need to run errands for Mira’s mum. We barely had enough sleep the night before because all of us were chatting non-stop. Nadiah came with her friend, Siti the night before. That’s why, we couldn’t sleep peacefully.

Mira, Auni, Mira’s mum and I were waiting for bus. The sound of the bike makes me turn to the front and I was surprised to see HIM passing by me. Our eyes locked. There were no hello, wave and even smile. That moment, my heart was beating very very very fast. And once again, I was caught up with the past.

Mira Mum : Itu mataer Albania eh? [Is that your boyfriend?]
Me : Taklah, ex Albania. [No lah, my ex]
Mira Mum : Laa. Knape dier tengok Albania macam tak kenal gitu? [ Why he looked at you as if you both never knew each other?]
Me : Entahlah cik. [ I don’t know, auntie]

Putting that aside, I tried to smile and act as though nothing has just happened. I acted normal. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s or MY day because of what I saw.




















Monday : I was sick, I did not attend school! Moreover, I have to clear my leave. It’s Monday. It marks 11 August 2008. One year and 2 months has passed. Times do flies.
Each time the date strikes Eleven, my mind was brought back to the past. Didn’t I said before, I will eventually bumped into you. It’s sad to see someone you loved, shared every happiness and sadness before, and suddenly became a stranger to you. It’s even sadder to know that he’s with someone else. Months have passed. Every single night, I kept praying to god that if you were not meant for me, let the feelings fade. But I’ve waited for many many months and why do I still think of you? I still laid tears for you and miss your presence somehow? Maybe it’s fated that I will feel this way. I try to think that it’s a blessing in disguise.

I don’t want to be stuck here and not knowing where to go. I don’t want to love someone who doesn’t feel the same way as I do. Often I disagree when people said that “Love the person who loves you”. But now, I do. I don’t want my mood to be affected whenever the thought of you came. Like I mentioned previously, everywhere I go, I’ll bumped into people who is somehow related to you. If it happens only once in a while, I will be able to take it. But it happens every single DAY! And that fateful day itself, I bumped into you.

Its fate that brought us together and its fate that break us apart.
The first time where I got to know you, it was when I hated you. You were not the type of guy that I want. During the June holidays, I was busy mugging for O’s at Macdonald with Nisa, my best girlfriend. That time, I could go out late at night because Mummy was in Europe for one month. And nobody was home. First day, I didn’t notice you that much but I remembered clearly what I told Nisa when I first saw you walked in with your friends, “Kaki bebulu sak!”. And the second day, you came with your friends. I was busy writing notes when you knocked the glass window and pointed to Nisa who’s going to the ladies. You said you wanted her number. And I said wait. Then, I told Nisa and forced her to go out to give her number to you because you and your friends were irritating me.Suddenly, I have the urged to urine. I went to the toilet which is just outside and I remembered you following me with your friend, Samsir to the toilet just to ask my number. And I asked you to wait for me outside the handicap toilet. At first, I was not interested in you but your friend, Samsir. And my best girlfriend was interested in you. You kept on asking me for my number but I stubbornly refused. For one simple reason, I’ve made a promise to my best girlfriend not to have any relationship till O’s are over. Eventually, I gave my best girlfriend’s number instead of mine.

From then on, we lepaks till the wee hours together and I had my virgin screened by the police. And after that day when those hooligans tried to harmed us, we texted each other ever since. All thanks to Babe who used my phone to call you. And you got hold of my number at last. Deep down, I was happy that you text me. Because I know the feelings starts to grow. But I tried my best not to think too much about you because my best girlfriend was in love you. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship just because of one guy. But eventually, I did. All because the love I had for you was strong enough to even betray a best friend. I felt guilty. I remembered telling you how guilty I am. But you said everything’s gonna be alright. You said that you will stand by me even if all my friends were to turn their back on me. I trusted you. I gave my trust to you because I was too in love with you. I remembered the first time you bring me to meet your parents. And the bonding I had with them somehow makes me miss my Mum less who was away at that moment. It was special.

I remembered how she cried when she saw that photo of us together. At that moment, I wanted so much to let go of you. But you refused. You didn’t want that to happen. And you said that you didn’t want me to leave you and that you have never felt happy before in your life till I came.
We surely have our ups and downs. I don’t know why but, I realised the feelings you had for me seems to fade.

Fasting month is coming and soon, Hari Raya. I’m not looking forward to it. I know it’s a sin. But it’s painful to see myself celebrating it without you. I remembered during the fasting month, how I used to break fast at your place when my mum will not be home to break fast with me. How I used to break fast with you and your family.
And Hari Raya, where we planned to buy the same colour for our baju kurung. How can I ever forget all that?

Things starts to changed drastically in 2008. It’s never the same again. One moment you will come back and the next moment you will disappear. I don’t know where the mistake lies.
I still keep those stuffs that reminds me of you and those love-hate and promises messages in my cell phone. And I still keep the video that I made especially for you which you said it was “CRAP!” and which I was scolded for posting that video at youtube.

Till then. I’m tired.

Dear God, I thank you for the blessings that I still enjoy despite all these sufferings and the wonderful people you bestowed on me.